My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
