Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
