please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
