you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
