so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Your cock deserves a montage
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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