and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
