He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
