i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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