That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
