We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
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Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
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I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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