.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
