I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
