If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
