Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
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I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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