WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
