apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
