and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
