please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
