Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
