theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
