You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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