I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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