well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
