you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
