I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
