So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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