Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
