It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
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You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
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HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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