The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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