we have officially lost it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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