There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
