Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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