You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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