I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
where are my eyebrows?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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