my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
