At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
