i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I understand Curling. That high.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
