It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
