just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
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She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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