hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
