I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize