Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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