All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
