How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
