first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
