Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
