ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
