is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
