There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
