just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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