I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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