I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
