so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
