Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
