i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just gargled with NyQuil
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