i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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