im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
