I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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