just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i think i just lost a toe
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
