first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
