If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
