I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
