Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
