No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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