I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
