At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
People in love make me want to vomit
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize