i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
