I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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