Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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