You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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