girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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