Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
