well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
