fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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