who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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