her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Come see our sink grown plant.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
