I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
