Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
