No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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