You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
