you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
