Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
