MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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