i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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